For this mini series on postpartum encouragement, I am teaming up with one of my close friends, Heather. She is a mom of five kiddos and is currently right in the middle of her own postpartum with her sweet baby, Jack. Heather was at two of my births and I was so thrilled to be her doula this time around. She is an incredible example to me and many others in glorifying God through the joys and challenges of motherhood. You can read her posts HERE.
What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘postpartum?’ Baby snuggles? Breastfeeding? Stretch marks? Do you cringe? If you’re pregnant now, do you feel nervous?
Since my first postpartum experience, I’ve dealt with some trepidation as I’ve approached the final weeks of pregnancy with my two other babies. Now don’t get me wrong. I love all the skin-to-skin, those silky-soft baby cheeks, tiny eyelashes, and well, just the fact that my baby is in my arms instead of my belly.
But I’m also familiar with the hard things that can come with being a postpartum mama. If I’m not careful, my entire outlook as I approach birth can be shaded with fear and dread. If I’m going off past (and very real) challenges, it’s easy to focus only on those hard things and view this season as just something to survive.
However, I encourage you to use those past experiences to help you strategize–prayerfully–how to thrive in your next postpartum. If you’re a first-time mom, spend time gleaning practical and spiritual wisdom for this coming season. Ask some godly women in your life to share what they’ve learned in their postpartum seasons. There are also some great books and other resources I’ll be sharing in a later post.
Note: Heather does an incredible job of tackling this topic of mentally preparing for postpartum in her second post in this series. She goes much more in depth on how we as Christian moms can lean into Jesus and His Word during the tenuous days after giving birth. Read it HERE.
PLAN TO SLOW DOWN
A slower pace of daily life seems obvious after having a baby, but you might feel pressured to swiftly return to your normal routine. Or maybe you feel really great post-birth and are ready to hit the ground running a few days later. However, your body recently grew a baby over a period of almost ten months, birthed that baby (whatever kind of birth you had), and now your body needs time to heal and rest.
Historically, new mothers have had more support postpartum than we usually see today, whether from a mom, aunt, grandma, sister, or friend. This is primarily because our view of postpartum has changed. We tend to think of postpartum as the first two or three weeks after having a baby but we really should think a little longer-term.
Often the first couple weeks postpartum can be a flurry of visitors, appointments, and meals brought by. But if we haven’t thought past those first two weeks, all of a sudden, we are five weeks postpartum. By now all the helpful visitors have gone home, the meals have ended, and we are exhausted and overwhelmed by trying to manage a newborn–and daily life!
Our modern American culture doesn’t do a great job of recognizing a mom’s need for a restorative postpartum. We applaud the idea of fitting into our pre-pregnancy jeans soon after giving birth and being able to do “all the things”, just now with a sweet baby tucked into our Solly wrap. The idea of resting in bed with our baby or directing life from the couch for a week (or more) doesn’t feel right to us. Believe me, I am super excited to get back into pre-pregnancy jeans (still working on that ten months postpartum!) and love babywearing, but we need to have a reasonable view of the fourth trimester.
Healing from the inside out
For example, let’s think about the uterus. This incredible organ housed your baby for almost ten months and then during labor, contracted to move that baby through the cervix, into the birth canal, and out into the world. During pregnancy, your uterus also housed your placenta.
Sometime after you gave birth, your doctor or midwife may have showed you your placenta (another amazing organ). Do you remember the size of your placenta? A typical placenta is about the size of a dinner plate. And while you were pregnant, that placenta was attached to the inside lining of your uterus through blood vessels that provided circulation.
Heart and Hands: A Midwife’s Guide to Pregnancy and Birth
The Motherly Guide to Becoming Mama
After your baby was born and your placenta detached from the uterine wall, it left behind a dinner-plate-sized wound! And as with any wound, it takes time to heal.
This is one of reasons why you experience postpartum bleeding and cramping. Not only is your uterus contracting to shrink down to its pre-pregnancy size, it is also working to close off blood flow from blood vessels that were connected to the placenta. The uterus is also shedding blood and tissue from the uterine lining.
My midwife (who has delivered over 3,000 babies!) always tells her clients that if their post-birth bleeding slows down–or almost goes away–and then returns, they are doing too much, too quickly. She gives this same counsel if a mom’s lochia has slowed or turned a darker red or red/brown and but then turns bright red again. In both scenarios, she gives firm instructions… slow down and rest.
If you’ve given birth before, you might also remember the odd, slightly unnerving sensation of standing up for the first time after having your baby. All those organs (think bladder, stomach, intestines, etc) that were so crowded and temporarily displaced, kind of slither and slide back into place now that your baby is out. This isn’t painful but serves as a reminder that there are lots of internal adjustments taking place after birth.
The way we handle postpartum recovery can make a difference in our long-term health. I believe that when we take care of our bodies after birth, we can honor the Lord as we steward what He has entrusted to us. Not only does your body need this time in the weeks and months after birth, but the way that you handle postpartum recovery can make a difference in your future reproductive health, possibly even in menopause.
… we have forgotten the time-honored wisdom that this special cocoon of care should extend to the mother as well. In those first forty days, which roughly correlate with the six-week phase that Western medicine calls the postpartum period, the old ways teach that an amazing opportunity presents itself to a woman. During this time, she can revitalize herself and replenish her reserves, creating a solid foundation from which to tackle the demands of motherhood (whether for the first, time, second, or more). Furthermore, they teach that with the right postpartum care, a mother can preserve her reproductive health for future children or eventually experience an easy menopause,
aging gracefully over the decades to come.
Heng Ou | The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nurturing the New Mother
PLAN TO REST
If you’re at all familiar with the days and weeks after giving birth or heard others talk about it, the idea of postpartum sleep seems laughable. And it’s true. Sleep is in short supply during this time and most newborns aren’t interested in honoring your normal routine. But again, let’s use what we know to proactively craft a postpartum strategy, instead of simply dreading the shorter nights ahead.
Catch a little sleep during the day
Since nighttime sleep can be unpredictable for a while, you need to plan to catch some sleep during the day. This can be really challenging if you have other little ones at home, but be creative! Talk with your husband. And as Heather mentioned in her first post, pray about it. God’s wisdom is unlimited and He gives it generously. (James 1)
Getting rest during the day can also be tricky with other young children at home, especially if their nap times are all a little different. If the baby was napping but my other kiddos were up, I found it helpful to pile on the couch with the kids while we watched a fun episode of The Andy Griffith Show. They were close by, so I felt fine drifting off and catching a little power nap. Or I would put on some kind of audio drama while I rested on the couch and they played nearby (two of our favorites are Adventures in Odyssey and Ranger Bill). Again, because they were close to me, I felt comfortable dozing off for a bit.
Some evenings if I was really exhausted, shortly after Elijah got home from work, I would head upstairs to take a nap with the baby. I tried to have a simple dinner ready for him and the kids and after we chatted for a few minutes, he would send me off to nap.
I really struggled with this for a while! I felt guilty that I wasn’t downstairs with the family, but Elijah would remind me that this was only for a season. I was able to get some much-needed rest and the kids loved having extra time with just Daddy. And often after napping, I felt so much better and was able to enjoy some family time instead of slogging through the evening grumpy and half-awake.
Work as a team
It goes without saying that the postpartum period can challenge your marriage. My main encouragement here is to communicate–your husband cannot read your mind. Share what you are struggling with and ask him to pray for you. Pray together about solutions to challenges you are facing… a colicky baby, breastfeeding issues, your hormones, a jealous toddler, etc.
Elijah and I have also learned that it’s really helpful to have a plan for how we will work together during the night with the baby. Often, I am the one who gets up with the baby since I breastfeed. I also know that I can likely catch a little nap later in the day, whereas Elijah definitely does not have that option. That said he does usually gets up if either of the older two kiddos needs something in the night. And as I mentioned before, when he gets home from work, he will often ask if I want to go rest and then cheerfully wrangles our little crew of kiddos.
Each marriage dynamic is different, so together with your husband come up with a plan to help you get rest. For example, I’ve heard of husbands who take over all the diaper changes once they are home from work or get up to bring the baby to mom to nurse at night. But maybe your husband works nights or for some other reason, that is not an option.
My encouragement here is to talk through things with your husband so you can work as a team. Don’t allow discontentment and frustration to brew as you compare him to your friends’ husbands and their unique dynamic. God has blessed you with your specific husband and his unique ways of loving and leading your family.
Don’t stress over the housework
I know it can be super hard to let some of the housework go, but mama, those dishes can wait. After having three babies, I am here to tell you that eventually, at some point, those dishes will get done. Maybe you’ll do them, maybe someone else will do them for you. But no one else can sleep for you. If the baby is napping or ready for a nap, and the other kiddos are resting or having a quiet time, it’s time to rest.
Getting more rest is easier said than done. But it starts with re-orienting our minds and replacing old beliefs of “never enough” with the understanding that recovering and tending to baby,
for now, is more than enough.
In fact, it is everything.
Heng Ou | The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother
LIFE-GIVING COMMUNITY
The postpartum period can be made a little easier when a mom has a circle of life-giving community around her. This is especially important if you as a mom live far away from your family–those that would naturally support you in this time. For Elijah and I, nearly all of our family lives in another state. We’ve been so thankful to have various family members fly out to visit and help with this transition time after each baby. Our local church body and friends have also been an invaluable support to us. I don’t know what we would do without them!
Whether you are introverted or extroverted, reaching out to others for encouragement and fellowship can be difficult for a postpartum mom. Motherhood is HARD. Wonderful but hard. I think that sometimes as moms, we can feel guilty or ashamed of admitting that we are struggling or feeling stretched. There are probably various reasons for this, but one of them is… pride. It is humbling to admit that we need help, that we are overwhelmed, or that we are so tired that we haven’t made the bed in a week.
Choose humility
I’ve seen the Lord use moments when I embraced humility to really encourage my heart and refresh my outlook through time with a friend. A specific example of this happened after Nora’s birth. She was about four weeks old and one of my close friends, Brooke, was planning to come over to take some newborn photos. I was stressing because the house was messy, I couldn’t find anything to wear that fit right (hello, postpartum body!), and I really just wanted to forget the whole thing.
But I knew the photos had to happen that day because we had already rescheduled once and we were leaving for a two-week trip in a few days. I remember shooting off some kind of “Lord, help me” prayer and then doing my best to tidy up and get dressed in something pretty but comfortable. As I got ready, the Lord convicted me of my pride and self-focus. I had been stressing because I didn’t want my friend to see me as a frazzled new mom of three. In my pride, I wanted to present myself as a demure new mom with everything under control–instead of simply being honest.
I’d like to note that it was especially ridiculous to worry about Brooke seeing me less than polished! I had asked her to be at Nora’s birth to document my labor and of course, the birth and immediate postpartum. Seeing as she saw me in the throes of labor and watched me give birth, she had already witnessed a rather real version of me! But boy, pride can sure get in the way, right?
If you are a mom approaching the postpartum season, I hope that what I’ve shared helps get you thinking about how you can plan ahead to slow down, get rest, and cultivate community. Also, if you know another mom who might be encouraged, would you share this post with her? I’d love that!
PIN FOR LATER:
P.S. I love sharing the video below with expecting or new moms. Lisa from the Farmhouse on Boone blog and YouTube channel shares a glimpse into her first week postpartum–with her sixth baby! If she can slow down, you can too. : )
You might also enjoy:
Planning for a Grace-filled Postpartum: Part One
The Minutes of My Hours: Encouragement for the Weary-Hearted
Cultivating a Reading Life
Join the discussion:
What is one piece of advice you would give another mom on slowing down, resting, or cultivating community?
