Balancing Act: Motherhood + Doula Work

Note: Since I started writing this post months (yes, months!) ago, Elijah has transitioned to a new job. His schedule doesn’t have the same flexibility, so this means that our mode of handling doula work will need to look different in this current season. We’re not sure what that is exactly, but since I already had this post nearly written, I thought it’d still be fun to share what doula work has looked like for our family in past seasons.

Wondering what it’s like balancing motherhood with being on call as a birth doula? Read on!

ON call

As a birth doula, my job is to provide physical and emotional labor support. The nature of birth being what it is – completely unpredictable – means that as a client is nearing her due date and impending labor, I go into “on call” mode. When I am on call, the knowledge that I could be heading to a birth in the next couple hours is never far from my mind.

I typically go on call for a client when she hits 37 weeks, when baby is considered full-term. In the event that a mom goes past her EDD, estimated due date, (big emphasis on estimated!), I remain on call until 42 weeks, which is about the latest her care provider will recommend she continue to wait for labor to start on its own.

Ready to Roll

I have a five-week window in which I need to be ready to roll when I get the call or text from clients letting me know that they would like me to join them in labor. During our prenatal meeting(s) and contact, I ask clients to let me know when they think mom is in early labor. When I know that mom is moving towards active labor, this gives me the heads up I need here on the home front.

However, even with a heads up, some labors progress very, very quickly so it’s vital that I am absolutely as prepared as possible beforehand.

For the most part, clients ask me to join them when they feel they are in active labor, but I am flexible and willing to join them whenever they are ready for some extra support. I’ve met clients at the hospital when they’re in active labor or joined them at home for their planned home birth while they were in early labor. Each birth is different!

I do let clients know that from the time they let me know that they are ready, it can take me up to an hour to get to them. This gives me a buffer to finish up anything I’m in the middle of (say, grocery shopping or bathing the kids) and travel to them. It’s important for clients to know that I will get to them as soon as I absolutely can, but that I can’t be there instantly – so I encourage them to not wait too long to ask me to come.

Additionally, since my husband and I share one car, this gives him time to get home to be with the kids so I can leave.

Childcare and Transportation

So far, childcare during a birth has worked out quite seamlessly for us. My husband is blessed to have a fairly flexible job where he can work from home if needed. If I need to head to a birth during daytime hours, our arrangement is for Elijah to come home so that I can use the car and he can watch the kids. Having one car can get a bit sticky, though!

One time I was called to a birth around 9pm and by the time Elijah needed to head to work the next morning, I was still with my clients. This specific morning he HAD to be on campus to teach at the small Bible school where he works. The dear, patient man scheduled an Uber, got the kiddos up and out the door, wrangling two car seats into the Uber driver’s car! When I say that I wouldn’t be a certified doula today without my husband’s joyful support and sacrifice, I’m not joking. He’s the best.

Thankfully, this more complicated birth (as far as family logistics goes) hasn’t been the norm… but even in the more chaotic situations, our family has thrived. My doula work is something that Elijah and I view as ministry – we do it as a family, and so even in the stickier times, we have seen God give grace and peace, even when that means hustling grumpy kiddos into an Uber ride or running on two hours of sleep after a birth.

Blackout Dates

Since I aim to be with clients within an hour after they let me know they are ready for me, I don’t make personal plans to travel more than an hour away when I’m on call. The exception to this is a “blackout date”, a date on which I am not available as a doula and my backup doula would attend a client’s birth. This blackout date is communicated to my clients up front and if they are still comfortable with booking me for their birth – knowing that my backup doula will attend their birth if they go into labor on the blackout date, we move forward with signing a contract!

An example of this would be the Andrea Bocelli concert my husband and I attended in Denver for our anniversary. I wasn’t on call for any clients during that time, but had I been, that day would have been a blackout day for me. Meaning: if clients had gone into labor that day, my backup doula would have attended their birth. No way I was going to miss that very special day with my husband… we’d looked forward to it for months! Other examples of blackout dates might be a weekend trip, a child’s birthday, etc. – a special day you don’t want to chance missing.

Keep That Ringer On

The above running joke about a doula’s bedtime routine always makes me chuckle. For doulas, our “worst-case scenario” is probably sleeping through a client’s phone call in the middle of the night and missing the birth. Yipes!

I expect that when clients want to let me know that they are in labor, they will call or text me. So far I’ve never had a client email me about labor! This being the case, I keep my phone charged and close by. I do pick a unique (and jarring!) ringtone for clients when I’m on call and set those numbers on “emergency bypass”. Doing this enables me to still have my phone on silent at church or at night, while letting client phone numbers come through no matter what, so that I’m not unnecessarily distracted by every little beep and ding.

When I’m out and about, certain stores in our area have poor reception, so when I am on call for a client, I am always a little relieved to get my shopping done and scurry out of Costco or King Soopers in case I missed a client’s communication.

Pack My Bags

Another aspect of being on call as a doula is packing my doula bag so that all my supplies are ready to go. Pictured here are a handful of my favorite items to bring to a birth:

• pretty doula tee
• my rebozo
• honey sticks
• handheld fan
• battery-operated candles
• Starbucks instant mocha latte packets
• Labor Progress Handbook
• keyring of illustrated labor positions

A few more things I bring:

• my camera bag (if client wants photos)
• snacks for myself
• toiletry bag for myself
• unscented massage oil
• lavender and peppermint essential oils
• pen and paper

I put a lot of thought into what I take with me to a birth and can’t go into tons of detail here, so I’m planning to do a more in-depth “what’s in my bag” post soon!

First Things First

As I mentioned earlier, Elijah and I view my doula work as a family effort. This attitude towards my doula-ing helps have the right perspective when I’m needing to drop everything, rush off to a birth, and struggling with “mom guilt”. Additionally, we have boundaries around how many clients I would take at one time. While we view my doula work as an area of ministry and an opportunity to supplement our income, my love for attending births can’t be to the detriment of our family.

My first areas of faithfulness are to the Lord, my marriage, children, and home. If those areas aren’t in a healthy place, then I really don’t have any business stretching myself further. And even when they are in a healthy place, boundaries need to be set to protect those first priorities. I’m so thankful that the Lord has given me the opportunity to do birth work and I trust that I am faithful in the quiet things of home and family, He’ll bring just the right clients to me in His timing.

I hope you’ve enjoyed getting a little sneak peek into life on call as a doula, wife, and mom of two!

Tell me: What is something you are currently seeking to pursue or cultivate while in the midst of motherhood? How have you seen the Lord impart grace as you seek to be faithful to your calling as a mom?

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